Captors of the Mundane
by Nonbendo
Summary: Magneto has to dumb down his evil plans for his dumb minions. What is an evil mutated genius to do?
1. Chapter 1

X-Men: captors of the mundane

Disclaimer: I don't own no x-men, or y-men, or c-men.

At magneto manner magneto was yelling at quicksilver and toad for screwing up. Then he tried to use his magnet powers to hit them in the face with a bat, but accidentally magneted a fridge into himself, knocking himself unconscious bus. Five minutes later he woke up but toad and quicksilver had left.

"Dagnabbit," magneto swore, "Now where did my goshdarned minions wonder off to? I wasn't done yelling at them."

Meanwhile, at X-men school.

"Now everyone, it is time for your written test exam!" Professor Xavier paced out some tests. They had big test written top and the sole question was 2+2= _

"What's the answer?" Jean gray secretly telepathicked to scott.

"Mount Rushmore, obviously."

Jean facepalmed to herself. "Of course," she accidentally said out loud. She was shushed but she wrote down Mount Rushmore in the space. Then she had to go to detention for saying of course out loud in class. At detention they stripped her naked and beat her with clubs and then tied her to the wall. Then they allowed her to get dressed and leave.

"Well, I certainly learned my lesson," JEAN gray said, not noticing the nearby guys who had been peeking through the crack in the door, and the one that got a photo of her on her hands and knees.

Meanwhile, back at magneto manner.

Magneto was yelling at toad and quicksilver some more, and then said, "Now I have a new evil villainous plan, and even you two goshdarned morons can't screw this up. You just have to go down to the general dollar store and steal a pencil."

"We can do that," they said, so they went.

At the general dollar store quicksilver ran faster than the speed of light and stole the pencil, but the xman alarm went off and the xmen came and jean gray telekinesised a car at quicksilver and cyclops heat beam eye blasted him with the heat beam eye blasts that his heat beam eyes generate by generating heat beam eye blasts, but quicksilver dodged the beams and they crashed into the store blowing up half of it and killing everyone inside. Spike spiked the windows with spikes for no reason and storm came and blasted quicksilver lots with lightning but quicksilver dodged the lightnings, too so the lightning demolished the building and he got away.

Then the general marsupial came out of dollar general and said "I see he got away, but thank you for trying, unfortunately magneto's evil plan that I don't know about was foolproof, and they got away with the pencil."

"We were happy to help," the xmen said and then went back to xmen school.

"I want an ex plantation for these disgraceful tests!" Xavier yelled from his flying winged indestructible wheelchair horse, because his legs are permanently broke, pointing at the offending tests, which had various answers to 2+2 that included pie, robotic chickens, and silliest of all, 4.

"Now, we are going to have a nice long discussion on the answer to 2+2," said Xavier, "Jean gray, Kitty, I will need your ape shit stance for this lecture,"

"Okay," they said and went up and took off their shirts.

"Now, students, how many beasts do you see?" Xavier asked.

"Uh... zero, sir," said somebody.

"That's right. two breasts plus two breasts equals zero beasts. A number alone is meaningless, always question what is being added together when doing a math problem, otherwise it's entirely hypothetical, and hypothetical means imaginary so it doesn't matter," Said Xavier.

The next day jean gray caught all the boys at xmen school with naked picture of her and telekinetically blue up all their testicles.

Wasn't that so cool? Next chapter soons.


	2. The 2 chapter

At magineto manor maneto was throwing a big feast party for the succes of thre pencil theft mission. Magneto finally figherdd out his mminons problems. They were seting there stites too hgih. They needed trianing up. He made them train by fighting a big stompey robutt like the xmen. And they got stornger. And they stomped the big stompey robutt with the force of a thousand stomps. They were now storng. They were ready. As ready as spongeboob in the mornign. They were ready to steal... … … … … … … an apple! They had to rob the apple store of one of its apples. They went to the apple store. There were many apples on didplay, but they settled on iphone xty 900,000 with 40 gb of RAM that had a $500,000 Dolallar pricetag. It was a fancy and they garbed it and runnded off with it. The XMEN alarm... … … … … … DIDN'T EVAN GO OOF! but why did it not go off? Let's find out, by transgendering to xmen skull.

Meanejo;r at xman school:

All the xmen was casteerated by jean gray for liiking at her naked because she was mad angry about them looking ta her naked. And since there weren't actally any xmen naymore cause their balls was gone, the xmean alarm dint go off. But they shouldn't have been looking at her naked and objectifying here and jacking off to nude phot of her so it was sort of justified if you thin about it. Then Xavion came riding on his big pet dragon because his legs were prominantly broken like was explained in the last chapter.

"Jean Gray, what have you done?!" Xamon excalmed in shcock.

"I telkinesied ther balls blued up because theyr staring at naked photons of me." Hean Gray respned. 

"Is this true?" Xavon askled.

"Yeehah," The guys cornfessed.

"I think they deserved it," Said scaddycat with female vindication.

"YYEah," siad strom and other women xmen.

"Then I have no choice but to rename the xmen to the xwomenandenochs," Xavoin replied, and the new xwomenandenochs alame suddenly went off.

"Never mind, they already store the apple," Said the xwomenandeunuchs aralm.

End of chapter, and WAHT AN EVIL CLIFEHUNGER! REVOO PEAZ AND CARROTS?! Tank you if you do because reviews are niiiice.


	3. the third chapter of threeness

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Hi

Discalimer: I don't own the Xwomenandeunuchs.

Xavier Charlington was riding his robotic leg suit because his legs are permanently broke like I said last chaper again, when the robot suit tripped over a bug. That bug's name was bug man, and it was aslo a man cause bug man was a mutant.

Chirp chirp like a cricket, "said bugman."

"Excellent," Charles xavier rubbed his hands together like an evil dewd and walked off.

MEANWHILE, AT THE MAGNETO MANEUR!

Magneto was riding a horse and talking to his bunions! Toad was happy because he was being praised for once, because of the really expensive diamond they stole last chapeter. Magneto suggested stealing an iphone or something next because apples are overpriced trash and could be sold to gullible appleturds for huge profit because apple fans are gullible and well beleaf anything.

So they ran off to the aplel store and the xwomenandenochs alarm went oof and the off alarm going was quite loud. The xwomenandernochs came to the appletore and tried to beat up magneto's bunions but couldn't due to their lack of upper body strength, so they had to try to blow up the store with their pwoers instead. Storm sumoed all the lightning, and Gene Gay called upon her psychic pears to psychokinensis the building psychokinetically, it blue up and the bunions were prebented frum stealing a apple. The store was destroyed but the manager understood that letting evil win would never do. Unfortunately the appleturds standing outside the store were all:

"oh no, now where will we buy our overpriced horseshit technology that sucks?!" scremed the appleturds. "mutants are dangrous because they blue up buildings, we need a registry," and the appleturd mob grabbed some nearby torches and pitchforks that were just lying around and ran at the xwomenandeunuchs. And they ran and AS THEY were running they ran into a mutant whose mutant power was being bugs bunny. "qUICK, INTO THIS WABBIT HOLE!" said bugs bunny pointing to a nearby wabbit hole. They jumped in. and because it was a bugs bunny hole it warped space and was cool and stuff.

Then Xavier walked in and magneto also came in riding a horse.

"Well, I guess you won the bet, magneto," said xavier, "or should I say, CHARLES xAVION!..."

AND MAGNETO TOOK OFF HIS FACE THAT WAS A MASK AND WAS XAVIR

"That is right, magneto," Said Charlie Zaver as charles xaver pulled off his own face that was a mask and was magneton.

"We were switched all along to teach you all a lesbian" yelled magneto silently, "Now if only I could remember what it was..."

"Is that why? I thought we made a bet on who had the better minions..." Xavion argued.

"Eh who cares, in hindsight, this whole thing was kind of dumb. I ain't not got no clue what we was a thinkin'" Magnetto cried.

"NOT SO FAST!" Loudly whispered the xwomynandeunuchs with the loud whispering of a whispering invisible pink unicorn loudly! And they pulled off their faces that were masks and they were... … … … … Magneton's minus!

And then megiddo's minions took of their own faces that were masks and they were... … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … the Xmen!

"We knew you switched all a log, so we switched, too!" Declared all the everyone.

"Most innersting," Said Charmie Xavion, but did you consider, this! And Xavir took off his face that was also a mask and was... … … Apokkaalisp!

And then everyone was confused for a second and then shouted, "What have you done with the propoferssor?!"

aporlakisp patted his stomach, "I ate him, you'll get him back. But he won't be able to use his arms anymore."

"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Scaddykatt screamed in horror with the force of a thousand horrorfied screams, then ran and phased through aposkaliph and got chralie Xavon owt of aposskaclipse's stomach and he was ok.

And then apokkylipsy screamed "NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT!" Screamed apokerpips but then he melted into goo for no reason.

"Well done, scadderkate, you defeated apoaksklipes!" Sad Xavier.

And they all cerebrated with a birthday party except it wasn't anyone's birthday so I guess it was just a party, but they had cake and ice cream so it was like one anyway. I'm not sure what you'd call that to be honest. I mean, calling it a "hooray, shadowcate deleated darkseid party" is too long, and darkseid is a much shorter name than apoxalips, so if you called it a "hooray, shadecat defeated apokcaliopse party" then that's even longer. Though I guess I can make it scakdowcat's brithday since i'm the author and say they also celeprated shadowscat defeating aporkalips, so that works, problem solved guys.

End of chapter.


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